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May. 6th, 2012 | 10:16 pm

Week One

Holy Shit. Three hundred and how many? Do we read ALL of them? OK—bring it on!

Week Two

Well, at least some of the people who can’t spell are gone.

Week Three

Comments? Do I have comments? Come on, I just need some comments! Just a couple, OK? I mean, I don’t NEED them, I could give them up any time I wanted!

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Week Four

MY TAKE ON THE TOPIC IS SO CLEVER NO-ONE WILL THINK OF IT BUT ME I AM A SPECIAL SNOWFL—oh. Goddamn copycats, all five of you.

Week Five

Dear Self:
Perhaps you should put that MFA to work as lavatory paper, since, you know, everything you write sucks orangutan balls. You’re only still here by the law of averages. And because you desperately cornered your friends in the car, when they couldn’t escape, and made them log into their Facebooks RIGHT THEN and vote and then logged them out before they could figure out how to take it back. When your Mom said “Good job, honey”? She didn’t mean it. She’s just worried that if she doesn’t paste on that June Cleaver smile and say something nice about your adjectives, you’re going to go right out to the Wal-mart gun counter and take something on Rollback Pricing to the top of the water tower where you’ll spend the rest of the day SULKING and MISSING because YOU WON’T BE A VERY GOOD SNIPER EITHER.

Week Sixteen

Comments? Comments? Comments? Come on, I swear, if You just give me one little “Enjoyed reading!” I will NEVER ASK GOD FOR ANYTHING AGAIN.

Week Seventy-Five

“Enjoyed reading :)”?

I write a goddamn NOVEL OF CONCRIT on your post and “Enjoyed reading SMILEY” is the best you can do?

Week Eight Hundred and Eleven

That’s it. Gary gets these topics by laboriously cutting up discontinued Encyclopedia Britannica volumes with an Exacto knife and lining his gerbils’ cage with them. Whatever the gerbils pee on, that’s this week’s prompt.

Week Eight Hundred and Twelve

What if I wrote something meta this week?

Fuck that, nobody likes meta.

Week Eight Hundred and Thirteen

Well, at least some of the people I found insufferable are gone.

Week π

Maybe all the people who used to comment have been voted off?

Week ∞+1

Helloooooo? Comments? Is my internet even working?

Week Who’s Counting?

YES. THIS IS MY MASTERPIECE.

How’d I come in fifteenth?

Week Jesus Is It Still Happening?

Dear Self: Remember how you believed that your fat, pasty fingers, pressing the keys of your outdated, crappy, secondhand laptop, were making actual words that someone would want to read and perhaps even enjoy? WRONG AGAIN.

Week Done Before Deadline

I AM A LITERATURE GOD.

Week It’s All A Horrible Dream

Dear Author: Please don’t make me read four other chapters to understand your coy, oblique references to your main characters’ backstory.

Dear Author: Please don’t make me PM you with the shelter hotline number.

Dear Author: Please don’t trigger my eating/cutting/drinking/heroin problem.

Dear Author: Please don’t make me decipher your light grey text on light purple background. AND THEN BE BAD.

Dear Author: Please don’t make me learn a Tolkien-like fantasy language in order to understand your story. Shazbot?



Dear Author: Please stop being better than me.

Week Deadline? When’s The Deadline? SHIT.

PULL OVER NOW I THINK THAT GAS STATION HAS INTERNET JUST SHUT UP I’M ALMOST FINISHED AND I STILL HAVE FOUR MINUTES.

Week Bataan Death March

I bet the writers with families have a lot more encouragement and support. WHY AM I ALONE AND WORTHLESS?

Week Crossing the Pacific Solo on the Kon-Tiki VI

I’m sure the writers without families actually have time to write. Sweetheart, can you go play quietly for just five more minutes? Please? Yes, you can watch anything you want. Sure, The Sopranos, fine, whatever, there’s a box set next to Daddy’s gun, behind the rat poison, just let Mommy think! I should have swallowed you.

Week Climbing Everest and Only The Sherpa Has a Book Deal

Dear Self: You know this is only the internet, right? And there’s no actual prize? And even the glory is pretty much limited to the writers IN the contest, 90% of whom will instantly forget who won and start planning their intro entry for next year so they can get a jump on Week One? And that there’s a big wide world full of things that matter, like getting adequate rest or making it to the gym or communicating verbally and in person with loved ones?

Hello? Hello? Is any of this getting through at all?

Look, I know it’s poll-closing night, but—wait, it’s poll-closing night?

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Week Six Million and Five

I hear Gary will give you a bye for birth or marriage.



Note to self: Locate and acquire baby.


And wedding dress.







(inspired by drjeff, who tagged one of his entries, "LJ Idol week 817")

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Comments {53}

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MEE-shee  kay-TIN-skee  :)

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from: michikatinski
date: May. 7th, 2012 02:22 am (UTC)
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LOL.

:-D

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:50 am (UTC)
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Thanks :) I think we all need a laugh around now.

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tigrkittn

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from: tigrkittn
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:01 am (UTC)
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My husband calls himself an LJ Idol Widow. He can't wait for me to quit/get voted out so he can have his wife/marriage back for a few months before next year starts...

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:51 am (UTC)
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That's hilarious! And so true...

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carcrash heart

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from: genesisdesire
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:13 am (UTC)
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What I've always liked about you is that I don't have to give a damn what the prompt might have been for the week. Other writers, I have to squint and stretch the truth. You write so well that the prompt could be totally ludicrous and I'd gobble it up. But I'm sure I've said that before, I think I've been a rabid fangirl on your earlier things. Your voice just sings and sparkles and does glittery tricks...well..,much like the lady itself.

And I'll admit that this made me laugh. F5'ing forever those first few weeks.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:53 am (UTC)
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Thank you! I'm glad there was a home game thread, it was nice to do something just for fun, and yeah, this has nothing to do with the prompt but it seemed like the best place to post it :)

I'm so glad you liked, and thanks, I really appreciate that you like my work - I know you've been around awhile, and that means a lot.

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similiesslip

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from: similiesslip
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:40 am (UTC)
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And yes, it seems people forget each other as soon as one is voted out. The majority of people anyways.

How is it that you do every genre, including meta, so well? It's intimidating to us "one trick wonders." But always a joy to read:)

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:56 am (UTC)
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Totally - I try to make it to the home game thread, because hey, I'll want to post there myself at some point! But it's also neat to see people still writing :)

Thanks for the very lovely compliment - I've been trying hard to do different styles every week so that this can be like a class for me, and hopefully improve my work! I'm reasonably comfy with a lot of genres because of grad school and having to take different classes, but my home is in playwriting and non-fiction. LJIdol is the most fiction I've written in years! And seriously, I'm very honored by your comment - I enjoy your work a great deal (your piece about eating guavas in the Congo with your friend is still one of my favorites), and it's nice to know it's mutual!

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Rattsu

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from: rattsu
date: May. 7th, 2012 05:42 am (UTC)
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BEST META EVER!

And yes, in advance, apologies for all the lack of comments while you write such lovely thoughtful ones on mine. Do I feel bad? Hell yes. Will it change? ...mmmmaybe.

-looks at schedule and deadlines-

.. probably not,

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:37 pm (UTC)
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All good - just keep writing things of awesomeness and I will totally forgive you!

Glad you liked :)

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Pika the Brazen Ninja

(no subject)

from: porn_this_way
date: May. 7th, 2012 06:07 am (UTC)
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That’s it. Gary gets these topics by laboriously cutting up discontinued Encyclopedia Britannica volumes with an Exacto knife and lining his gerbils’ cage with them. Whatever the gerbils pee on, that’s this week’s prompt.

This is really the only logical explanation, really.

Thanks so much for the laugh. You know you've been in Idol too long when you see something like this, and although part of you is cracking up hysterically, the other part of you is groaning in varying amounts pain and just sitting there all like "OMG it's truuuueeee."

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:37 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! You have such a great sense of humor in your writing that I was particularly hoping you'd like this :)

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blahblahblah, whatever

(no subject)

from: kathrynrose
date: May. 7th, 2012 06:40 am (UTC)
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This is hilarious and true and I want to vote for it even if it's on the home game thread.

When you write something like this you realize that though this is your first season, you most definitely are no longer a newbie.

And this:

She’s just worried that if she doesn’t paste on that June Cleaver smile and say something nice about your adjectives, you’re going to go right out to the Wal-mart gun counter and take something on Rollback Pricing to the top of the water tower where you’ll spend the rest of the day SULKING and MISSING because YOU WON’T BE A VERY GOOD SNIPER EITHER.

OMFG. This sentence wins the internet.

I've been sucking at commenting. Here's your smilie. :)

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:38 pm (UTC)
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Thanks - glad you liked!

Also - I'm on your pages - I had a heinous week, and then a week of crying and depression and not being able to get out of bed (it was the new birth control pills, thank god) and now I'm in rehearsals, but I just this minute wrote the end of the play and can now read you, so sorry about the insane delay.

And so glad you liked that section in particular - that's my favorite :)

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(no subject)

from: whirlgig
date: May. 7th, 2012 11:06 am (UTC)
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Enjoyed reading :)

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC)
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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(no subject)

from: whirlgig
date: May. 7th, 2012 11:07 am (UTC)
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Kidding! I continue to love everything you do. I have found my wedding dress, it's getting fed'exed here tonight. Vegas, here I come.

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC)
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If we go to New York, we can both get married!

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MamaCheshire

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from: cheshire23
date: May. 7th, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
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LOL this is awesome. (And gets my conscience a bit because I've been horrible about commenting most of this season, which was probably my downfall and which makes me a bad LJI'er just in general. I'll try to do better next time.)

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:39 pm (UTC)
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Glad you liked! Hey, as long as people read, that's all that counts :)

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medleymisty

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from: medleymisty
date: May. 7th, 2012 03:55 pm (UTC)
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I identify with a lot of this. :) It's hilarious.

I know I'm guilty of the oblique references to the backstory with the Seth entries, but I don't think I'll be doing any more Seth this season unless a topic really truly calls for it, like if the topic is "fire", or something. ;)

I enjoyed this. ;)

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 8th, 2012 03:40 pm (UTC)
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You know what, though? One of the things I LOOOOOOVE about Seth is that it's clear he *has* a backstory that is particularly rich and nuanced...but I don't have to read it to understand what's happening now. It's like the difference between watching a scene from the middle of a movie or seeing a painting - you know there's a life beyond the canvas, but the moment is complete in itself.

Glad you liked!

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Jenn

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from: kickthehobbit
date: May. 7th, 2012 04:21 pm (UTC)
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haaaaaaaa, I've wondered re: other people having more support! my partner is aware that I'm doing this, but he lit. does not understand why I would even want to.

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: May. 8th, 2012 03:41 pm (UTC)
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It such a mixed bag - there's people I know are getting wonderful support from terrific partners and families, and people getting nothing and being swamped by RL obligations. It's one reason I'm not a parent... :)

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Raoul Duke

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from: drjeff
date: May. 7th, 2012 05:07 pm (UTC)
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I don't comment on LJ Idol pieces often, but when I do, I reach for whipchick. She is THE MOST INTERESTING WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

<3

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 8th, 2012 03:41 pm (UTC)
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I could not ask for a better endorsement :)

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Patty Cryan

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from: p_m_cryan
date: May. 7th, 2012 05:50 pm (UTC)
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I read this meta in the style of this xkcd strip.


Edited at 2012-05-07 05:50 pm (UTC)

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 8th, 2012 03:41 pm (UTC)
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Oh! Oh--that is so hilarious and also sad! Thanks :)

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(Deleted comment)

whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: May. 8th, 2012 03:42 pm (UTC)
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This one was just for fun :)

You know, unless people KNEW your conception date, that would totally work...

TWENTY-EIGHT POUND NEWBORNS RUN IN MY FAMILY.

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