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Mar. 8th, 2013 | 12:20 am

Some days it's easy, up with the sun, shower and go. Soy latte, table by the window, headphones in--

Bleed it out dig it deeper just to throw it away--

--Linkin Park blotting out the buzz of the coffee shop, focus view on the Word doc, 5 pages of re-typing, 5 pages of edits, bam! it's done. Some days it's harder, I needed the sleep, I needed to correct someone on the internet, the first line of Linkin Park a phantom sound in my ears while Word Bubbles sucks me into the quicksand of my bed.

Four o'clock.

Really? It takes you until four o'clock to leave the house? What the hell kind of lazy overprivileged white lady shit is this?

Surf the internet another hour, no really, I'm working. I'm 'reading for writing,' that's what my timekeeper app says. Call a friend, sort it out, headset in, it's time.

Bleed it out dig it deeper just to throw it away--

The playlist ticks off the pages. Goldfrapp. Katy Perry. Some days I make it all the way down to The Decemberists, on a really good day, Philip Glass. But it's always the second song that drives the need to start, is driven by the need to start (the first song is the get-your-pages-sorted, prop-them-on-a-book, did-you-wash-your-hands time, three minutes and thirty-one seconds of countdown, T-minus creativity).

Bleed it out dig it deeper just to throw it away--

The coffee shop closes early. Or there's a local couple with guitars and too much amp. Or my mother comes home, the sound of the automatic garage door like a starting pistol, sending me to my room in a mad rush, minus earbuds, minus power cord, on edge until the back door opens and I can call out, "Welcome home I love you I can't talk I'm writing," slam my own door like the sullen teen I was, I am still.

I do not know what I would do with children. Abuse them, probably. Not with the wire hanger or the cigarette, but with the coldness and silence and preoccupation, that's a lovely crayon drawing now shut up, dear God, shut up, I'm writing!

Bleed it out dig it deeper just to throw it away--

This is the glass box of selfishness, of being useless to the world on the (monumentally arrogant!) excuse that I will make something that matters, I will write better, I will write something worth solitude and exclusion.

I will.

Yeah here we go for the hundredth time, hand grenade pins in every line.

I will.



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Comments {18}

Kizzy

(no subject)

from: xo_kizzy_xo
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 05:29 am (UTC)
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SO's like that when he's writing. He shuts himself in his office with the earphones and his playlist and gives himself X amount of time, no more, no less. Sometimes he succeeds. Sometimes the muse doesn't cooperate. But, as he'll say, at least he's writing.

I used to be able to do similar. Back in the pre-internet days my office was the town library because it was the only place where I wouldn't be disturbed. Somewhere down the line I discovered I couldn't quite write the way I wanted to in such solitude, so I took to going to a coffee shop or, if the weather was warm, outside.

Nowadays I need the TV in the background. It makes me feel less alone in my thoughts, if that makes any sense.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 04:01 pm (UTC)
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That makes total sense! I need the music these days - if it's a short piece, I put a song on repeat, for longer works I make a playlist. And I like the activity of a coffee shop, it helps me to be in a public place.

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blahblahblah, whatever

(no subject)

from: kathrynrose
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 05:33 am (UTC)
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T-minus creativity

Love!

::pom poms::

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 04:02 pm (UTC)
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Thanks :)

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Jemima Pauler

(no subject)

from: jem0000000
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 09:03 am (UTC)
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My goal, on my days off, is generally to make it out of the house no later than 3:30PM. :) My dad still greets me with a teasing, "Good morning!" any time I call him before it gets dark outside. ;D

I like the way you've structured this. :)

Edited at 2013-03-08 09:04 am (UTC)

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 04:02 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, there's days I'm up and out and there's days it's just hard to get moving!

Thanks:)

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(Deleted comment)

whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 04:02 pm (UTC)
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Come back to the light--first one's free :)

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writerdoc

(no subject)

from: writerdoc
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 02:16 pm (UTC)
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I LOVE that song. :D

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 04:03 pm (UTC)
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It's got such a great DRIVE!

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ecosopher

(no subject)

from: ecosopher
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 02:28 pm (UTC)
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It's funny you should write about children, because I think you were in my dream the other night -- I'm fairly sure it was you, although I don't know if you were actually present or I was just reading your journal in my dream (wow, I am such a social introvert that even my dreams involve the internet) and you were teaching your son Afrikaans. You'll be pleased to hear he was getting quite good at it!

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 04:03 pm (UTC)
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Hahaha! That's awesome.

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Andrea Blythe

(no subject)

from: blythe025
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 05:04 pm (UTC)
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Yes, exactly.

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drwex

Katy Perry?

from: drwex
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 10:21 pm (UTC)
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We need to talk. Srsly

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whipchick

Re: Katy Perry?

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 8th, 2013 11:58 pm (UTC)
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You know, she's basically candy pop, and I like candy pop, but I watched her concert movie/documentary, and found it surprisingly moving. The elephant in the room is that her marriage to Russell Brand is dissolving, and even though it's never mentioned, it's happening on screen. There are a couple of moments where, as a touring performer, I went oh yes, that's why I can't have a real relationship.

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drwex

Re: Katy Perry?

from: drwex
date: Mar. 9th, 2013 12:45 am (UTC)
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I found out that she thinks "boom" and "moon" rhyme and that was that.

I get pop, and even candy pop. But I can provide you with lots of GOOD candy pop, I promise.

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whipchick

Re: Katy Perry?

from: whipchick
date: Mar. 9th, 2013 01:14 am (UTC)
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Deal! Throw it down, my man!

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drwex

Re: Katy Perry?

from: drwex
date: Mar. 9th, 2013 02:05 am (UTC)
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I'm assuming you're familiar with P!nk

How about Jess Mills (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcAo8vAGXsc&feature=player_embedded)?

And how about Jessie J (http://vimeo.com/18729177)?

Nero (http://www.musicstop.org/nero-promises-lyrics-with-video)?

Alicia Keys (in an admittedly nu disco remix but that is one STYLIN' haircut doncha think?) http://audioporncentral.com/2013/02/alicia-keys-brand-new-me-copycat-italo-remix.html

(to be fair I'm drifting well out of candy pop territory. I have my stuff listed by artist, not genre)

I could probably do more, but the alphabetical organization takes a while to go through.
http://drwex.livejournal.com/tag/music

Feel free to browse.

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Rebecca

(no subject)

from: beeker121
date: Mar. 9th, 2013 11:39 pm (UTC)
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That song is one of my favorite running tunes. It makes sense that it would be good at revving you up for whatever the next thing is.

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