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The Snap King

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Feb. 12th, 2016 | 07:30 pm

I have heard of a thing called, a blackout, and it is not the same. Mrs. Whelker told me that there is a thing called, alcohol, and that sometimes Mature Adults engage in drinking alcohol and even though it does not taste nice at first it can start tasting nice and then a Mature Adult might fail to observe Appropriate Limits. But Mrs. Whelker, I asked, isn’t observing Appropriate Limits a precondition for promotion to Mature Adult status plus Personal Vehicular Transport and even possibly Personal Living Space Class Two, Double Occupancy?

You would think so Jaykob she said. Then Mrs. Whelker shook her head as though she had experienced a Non-Productive Emotion and needed to remove it through the physical process of, shaking, which is something only Juveniles attempt before learning Personal Analysis™.

Before I could ask Mrs. Whelker, why are you attempting that discredited technique and can I offer you Listening, the bell rang.

It is not actually a bell. A bell is a physical object made of metal and producing a tonal value equal to the frequency of vibration when struck. The end of class is signaled by a tone clearly not created by vibration but Mrs. Whelker has called it, the bell, since she came to Media Crèche 564B(oys) and so we have also started saying, the bell, as if it is a word in a private or secret language known only to MC564-ers.

Mrs Whelker, I told her, I would like to remain seated for reflection please, and she said, that’s fine Jaykob don’t think too hard and catch up some Snaps so you can have Purposeless Content time with the other boys tonight OK? And I waved my Device at her to signify, Yes, and also to imply, I am a Big Snapper and I will Snap away, and also to show a joke or humorous statement such as, are you kidding I am the Snap King, or, no-one can Snap like me I have done so perhaps forty times since this conversation started but I am so fast you have missed it. And Mrs. Whelker laughed and I thought it was too bad I had not Snapped those actual thoughts because they would have a positive impact on my Metrics.

When the door slid shut behind Mrs. Whelker I turned off all the lights and went to the Regression Pod and closed it and curled up my whole body in the cushions and put on Track Five containing Heartbeat and Water Sounds and considered sending a few hundred Snaps with, a joke or humorous statement such as, Snapping hard or hardly Snapping, or, can’t wait to achieve promotion to Mature and get away from my womb-mates. But the first statement did not seem as humorous as needed to sustain my Metrics and, the second statement seemed generational, as if perhaps Mrs. Whelker would understand and, laugh, but the MC564-ers would make deep fake-laughter in their lower torsos and pretend not to know the word, womb, so I would have to define it and they would still pretend not to understand, even Devin who says, fuck, all the time even though he has the same vocabulary everyone else does, Module C Educational Focus Social.

Instead I pulled #32 Loop, which is my mother. She is laughing and has blonde hair and is putting a pie on the table (#33 it is apple which is my favorite and #34 she adds a scoop of ice cream after I have asked three times to show I really mean it). We are smelling the pie which smells like MC564B kitchen on Fridays Traditional Dessert Days and for a moment my mother becomes very serious and touches my hair while looking into my eyes saying, Jaykob I know going away will be hard but I want you to have a better life and you are smart and strong so make me proud by working hard and Snapping every day as many times as you can and one day we will reunite and you will be a Mature Adult and we will care for each other again.

I try not to play the loop too many times because Dr. Rodgers says, emotional immunity is possible after repeated exposure and, it’s better to focus on the present buddy wouldn’t you like to head over to the Filter Studio and send some Snaps?

No I would not.

Which thought surprises me because it is a new thought, and I can tell right away is not a thought to be Snapped and tracked in my Metrics. This thought will not lead to Production Bonus or access to new products to represent in my Story with casual Snaps such as, hey check this Axe Hair Mess™ now in aerosol because I am fly like a white guy, which is a raised humor metric because, I am black. This thought feels like it could be part of, my Sensitive Side, but I am not old enough yet to request a change to category, EmoBoy. You have to be at least fifteen and, although Gavyn has been able to leverage his bangs into endorsements for Toni&Guy™ and also Elevate!™ Mood Enhancement Teen Formula For Feeling Just Enough, he spends a lot of time in this very same Regression Pod and that has negatively impacted his rate of Snaps. Also I do not care for eyeliner.

I am still thinking this new thought and, wondering why Gavyn was not in class today when the classroom door slides open again, whoosh.

It is Mrs. Whelker and she is shushing and it is Dr. Rodgers and he is saying, calm down Kara the lights are off none of them are in here. And the door slides shut, whoosh, which is a thing I can hear even though the Regression Pod is supposed to be soundproofed but Devin found a system weakness or bug in the noise cancellation subroutine, which I said was not a Productive Discovery because Products are useful and Devin said, fuck off.

Dr. Rodgers says, Kara can’t we discuss and Mrs. Whelker is a polite person but she is interrupting which polite people do not do except to make jokes or humor. I can’t stay here anymore she says which, makes me experience a sad feeling because, she is my favorite teacher and understands when I need reflection. The boys need you says Dr. Rodgers and Mrs. Whelker does not interrupt but talks very next without showing Listening behavior, saying, no Bob you need me and I am not on board not anymore. In Dr. Rodgers’ voice there are signals of Distress such as, restricted vibration of lower tonal values. He says Kara, you have been so integral and Mrs. Whelker interrupts again like a Juvenile to say she has seen the files and perhaps other people would like to know exactly what is happening in this facility and then there is a sound like when Gavyn slams his forehead into the door to knock himself out for five minutes of peace Jesus God don’t you guys see it it’s not just the Devices its our brains don’t you ever wonder where you really came from.

I can hear Dr. Rodgers breathing as though he has participated in all four events of Physical Exhibition Day, on which we share our body development and dispel myths about large thumbs and bad eyesight through many extended-length Snaps and which gains our highest Metrics all year. Physical Exhibition Day is usually an excellent chance for a boy such as myself who is fast and strong to gain additional products such as, VitaMix™ or LuluLeMen™ Activewear both of whom have made many Selfies of approval on my Story.

I do not hear Mrs. Whelker breathing but it is nice to know her name is Kara, which sounds like, caring.

There is a sound oh God oh God oh God and it is a very high tonal frequency so I come out of the Regression Pod to see what is now making that sound. It is not Mrs. Whelker because she is lying down. Dr. Rodgers is squatting down beside her and the oh God sound stops when he looks at me.

Jaykob he says.

I ask him why, is Mrs. Whelker lying down, and Dr. Rodgers laughs but I do not see where this situation fits on the humor Metric. He says Jaykob, what the fuck are you doing in here, even though he certainly has a vocabulary Module with many Social-Ready words. I tell him I was thinking about my mother and, sometimes I like to do that in the Regression Pod.

Which mother asks Dr. Rodgers and I say, my mother.

Yeah but which one you little bastard. The one with the puppy? No, wait, the one with the pie, right? #32 Loop? We made you ask for the ice cream three times, right? But she always gives you the fucking ice cream.

Mrs. Whelker makes a sound like bubbles and I look at her face which, looks like someone has asked her to join Ultimate Fighting™ except she would not make a good team member because, she does not hit because hitting is wrong. And Dr. Rodgers must not know that despite his advanced Modules in Social and Medicine because shut up bitch he yells which is when the room is white like when my Device is lagging and I press reboot and look out the WindowLife Screen imagining all the Snaps I am missing until the whiteout stops and Dr. Rodgers also looks like Ultimate Fighting™ and my hands hurt because hitting is wrong.

So I guess what I am saying is that I do not know what happened in that whiteout because I could not Snap it, perhaps I was rebooting. But thank you for telling me that Mrs. Whelker is still lying down but comfortable and also that Dr. Rodgers will not be coming back to MC564B and yes, if you give me back my Device I will catch up on Snaps, I am a Big Snapper I will be the Snap King.



________________________________________
(Shout-out to turned_in2_moon)
I've been spending a lot of time around teenagers this week.



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Comments {33}

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Rowan

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from: mzrowan
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 03:45 am (UTC)
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Totally riveting...

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:29 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! Happy Valentine's Day :)

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blahblahblah, whatever

(no subject)

from: kathrynrose
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 04:30 am (UTC)
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Loved this!

Also - Also I do not care for eyeliner. - cracked me up.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:29 pm (UTC)
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Thanks - I think that's my favorite line :)

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lriG rorriM

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from: lrig_rorrim
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 04:49 am (UTC)
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I loved this! I can definitely tell you've been spending time around teenagers just because the voice itself is so spot on. The story itself unwinds with this awesome inevitability, and there's so much dark humor sprinkled throughout. Fabulous!

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:30 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! I felt like it was time for fiction :)

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Pika the Brazen Ninja

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from: porn_this_way
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 09:43 am (UTC)
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Dude. The punctuation in this...
I know it seems like a random-ass thing to zero in on, but the way you punctuated it, especially the places you put (and didn't put) the commas was amazing because it gave it a really strong "something's very off" feeling. Like, this isn't Red Pen Central where you get a mental image of the narrator scrawling the entire thing on a wall in purple crayon, but intelligent, strong voice of the narrator combined with the weird-ass commas is just all sorts of fun unsettling.

Also. This.

This thought feels like it could be part of, my Sensitive Side, but I am not old enough yet to request a change to category, EmoBoy.

LMAO well played.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:30 pm (UTC)
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Not random-ass at all, and something I spent a lot of time thinking about, so thank you! I'm glad it worked for you :)

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n3m3sis43

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from: n3m3sis43
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 11:59 am (UTC)
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Devin is not currently available for comment but I'm positive he'd approve of his representation here. xD

This piece reminds me a bit of that one you recommended to me a while ago. (I know that's vague, but I'm currently not placing the name or the author and so vague it will be.) I really like the whole concept of Snaps and Metrics you've got going on here, and the emo kid part cracked me up.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:31 pm (UTC)
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I'm so glad you think so - he just sort of wandered in and I was all, oh, hello you :)

George Saunders' short story Jon, which I TOTALLY had in mind while writing, so I'm glad you saw the kinship!

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blink

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from: yachiru
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 03:27 pm (UTC)
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In the top three of things I read in Idol that make me want to write better.

Definitely reminds me of science fiction that's all about current events/trends and what they might become. I would look into Daily Science Fiction for this! They take small pieces and this reads like something they'd dig.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:32 pm (UTC)
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Thank you - that is soooo mutual. I will look up Daily Science Fiction!

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solopolist

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from: ceelove
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 04:45 pm (UTC)
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Part of a YA book? I would Kickfund that.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:33 pm (UTC)
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Wow, thanks - I would actually like to write more of this guy and this world, so I'm glad to hear it caught you!

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kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatre

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from: bleodswean
date: Feb. 13th, 2016 08:09 pm (UTC)
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A contemporary Benjy? I applaud your use of punctuation and vernacular.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:33 pm (UTC)
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Tell me who Benjy is? because now I want to read whatever that is! And thanks!

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alycewilson

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from: alycewilson
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 02:40 am (UTC)
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Terrific use of voice. What I like best about this is the way that you reveal insights into this character that he himself if not aware of, at least in a conscious way. His way of thinking reminds me very much of kids on the autistic spectrum, especially the lack of affect (until the end).

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:34 pm (UTC)
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Thank you - exactly what I was shooting for!

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rayaso

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from: rayaso
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 03:28 pm (UTC)
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This is a terrific entry! I loved the humor in it. The voice here is so strong and so well done, and the use of grammar is very effective. The literalness of Jaykob plus the social issues is excellent.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 04:34 pm (UTC)
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Thanks very much! I had a great time playing with voice :)

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dmousey

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from: dmousey
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 05:06 pm (UTC)
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I would love to read more of this world. I laughed hard at this...
This thought feels like it could be part of, my Sensitive Side, but I am not old enough yet to request a change to category, EmoBoy.


I had a teenage son at one point who played at this and ultimately rejected 'eyeliner' also. (Laughing)

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Raised by Wolves

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from: sinnamongirl
date: Feb. 14th, 2016 08:39 pm (UTC)
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I love this :) Good job!

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reckless_blues

(no subject)

from: reckless_blues
date: Feb. 15th, 2016 03:23 am (UTC)
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I really really like the punctuation here. I'm following somebody on Tumblr who types like that and her "voice" is really distinctive.

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dee_aar2

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from: dee_aar2
date: Feb. 15th, 2016 04:50 pm (UTC)
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Aaah the teen voice !!! Quite a refreshing and unique change. I haven't come across this ... this season unless I missed it. I am glad fiction caught you this week ... brought out a YOU that I like. Well I do love the way your brains work ... so this one gets a thumbs up from me...

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inteus_mika

(no subject)

from: inteus_mika
date: Feb. 15th, 2016 07:22 pm (UTC)
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Dear God, this is like whiteout and 404 combined, as if the worst elements of the internet came together like a multi-unit Transformer* in some sort of nightmarish monstrosity that makes duckface the accepted norm.

*Is that right? Or was it Power Rangers, or some ecoplanet thing that could combine forces? My popculture references of that era might suck, so I hope one of those makes sense, but I know I'm saying what I mean when I note, Rod Serling would approve.

Edited at 2016-02-15 07:24 pm (UTC)

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