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Jan. 3rd, 2012 | 06:05 pm

I am no longer the girl with the pile of books
Classmates timing me, unbelieving, my summer filled with pages
And not friends.
I am not she who hated the feel of pencil on notebook paper
Nor she who wrote out each poem ten times,
peeling off words ‘til the seed remained.
I am not she sullenly listening,
“Please don’t write that kind of thing anymore,”
And wrote it more, wrote it anyway,
If you didn’t want personal, you shouldn’t have assigned journals
Anger and joy propelling my hand
Finally able to tell, tell, tell.

Now I am she in the airport lounge,
In the front of the plane with two phones in my hands.
The girl with six ziplock baggies of currency,
Fluent in shopping in all of them now.
This girl still scribbles on notebooks and napkins
This girl still hides in the back of her head.
And that day when you pushed me down on the pavement
That day when my locker was covered in spit
That time when I had to climb out the window
That time when I pulled your hand out of my pants
All are the pieces of silk in my pocket,
I cut with my scissors the threads that I want.
History’s what happened as told by the winners—
Surviving is winning. Thriving is words.



whipchick dedicates this piece to clauderainsrm, who was also there.

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Comments {8}

Andrea Blythe

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from: blythe025
date: Jan. 3rd, 2012 11:32 pm (UTC)
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Beautiful. "Thriving is words" -- so true!

A tiny, tiny critic... the beginning was a wee bit confusing at first with all the negative assertions. But as a whole, it's lovely.

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: Jan. 4th, 2012 12:54 am (UTC)
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Thanks! And that's very helpful - I'll confess, I wrote the first half and felt like it was a first draft, then the second half started to come together rhythmically, and then it was 6:00 and I shortchanged the edit on the first half. You've given me a great place to start revising :)

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similiesslip

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from: similiesslip
date: Jan. 3rd, 2012 11:32 pm (UTC)
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Those last two lines brought tears to my eyes. They mean a whole lot to me this week.

Thank for inspiring me!

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: Jan. 4th, 2012 12:55 am (UTC)
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You're welcome - and thanks for telling me!! This feels more like a community every week :)

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imafarmgirl

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from: imafarmgirl
date: Jan. 3rd, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
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I like it.

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whipchick

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from: whipchick
date: Jan. 4th, 2012 12:55 am (UTC)
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Thanks :)

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jacq22

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from: jacq22
date: Jan. 5th, 2012 09:20 pm (UTC)
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First Happy Birthday!!! have a great day, and an awesome year.

Secondly, thank for for writing this, words are the swords, the staff, the blood of life,..and we will survive together with our words.

I have thirty years of tortured, sometimes banal; sometimes desperate words; in diaries on scraps of paper, and in my computer, they escape sometimes and find their way on idol!

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jacq22

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from: jacq22
date: Jan. 5th, 2012 09:24 pm (UTC)
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I forgot to say this was so beautiful, it made me remember so much, just loved it.

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