March 8th, 2014



Dear Idol Community:

Thank you for your consideration of my application for participation. Below please find my relevant details and experience.

Six inches taller than all women in Mumbai and four inches taller than all men.

Within the five-pound window between Can Hold Up Acrobatic Partner Without Shaking and Can Get Butt Over Head And Turn Upside Down On The Damn Trapeze.

Chic Auburn when it’s on sale, otherwise whatever it says on the box this month.

One closed, one squinting at the phone while answering as many emails as possible before getting out of bed.

Religious Affiliation:
Hit on by Buddhist monk at sacred tree where Buddha attained enlightenment; hit on by Episcopalian priest at funeral of grandmother (mine).

Kalamazoo, Michigan

Number of Days at Home (2013):

Number of Days at Home (2014):

Locations So Far This Year:
Nepal, Dubai, Salt Lake City, Florida, Dubai, Florida.

Locations Upcoming:
Memphis, Michigan, Dubai

Work Experience:
Actor, director, professor, fire-eater, aerialist, event manager, writer.

Places I Have Been Where I Was Not Supposed To Be:
On the stage of the musical Chicago in the West End; driving across Bulgaria with two drunk mimes in the backseat; Albania; out in public with a man I’m not related to in the Middle East; my entire first year of college.

Languages In Which I Can Discuss The Weather But Not Talk About God:
Japanese, Czech, Hindi, ASL, Italian, French, Catalan, Albanian, Macedonian, Serbo-Croatian, German (with Austrian accent), Dutch, Afrikaans.

Languages In Which I Can Talk About God:
English, barely.

Number of Relationships Fucked Up Through A Combination Of Bad Behavior And Entitlement:

Number of Relationships Where “Bisexual” Meant “He’s Not Out To His Family Yet”:

Number of Relationships In Which The Jury Is Still Out:

Number of Cats:
3 (non-custodial)

Number of Posts To Green Room Deliberately Intended To Stir Controversy:
I plead the Fifth.

References available on request.

Thank you for your time and consideration,


whipchick can't believe she let Gary suck her into this again.