March 8th, 2014

London

Application

Dear Idol Community:

Thank you for your consideration of my application for participation. Below please find my relevant details and experience.


Height:
Six inches taller than all women in Mumbai and four inches taller than all men.

Weight:
Within the five-pound window between Can Hold Up Acrobatic Partner Without Shaking and Can Get Butt Over Head And Turn Upside Down On The Damn Trapeze.

Hair:
Chic Auburn when it’s on sale, otherwise whatever it says on the box this month.

Eyes:
One closed, one squinting at the phone while answering as many emails as possible before getting out of bed.

Religious Affiliation:
Hit on by Buddhist monk at sacred tree where Buddha attained enlightenment; hit on by Episcopalian priest at funeral of grandmother (mine).

Home:
Kalamazoo, Michigan

Number of Days at Home (2013):
46

Number of Days at Home (2014):
0

Locations So Far This Year:
Nepal, Dubai, Salt Lake City, Florida, Dubai, Florida.

Locations Upcoming:
Memphis, Michigan, Dubai

Work Experience:
Actor, director, professor, fire-eater, aerialist, event manager, writer.

Places I Have Been Where I Was Not Supposed To Be:
On the stage of the musical Chicago in the West End; driving across Bulgaria with two drunk mimes in the backseat; Albania; out in public with a man I’m not related to in the Middle East; my entire first year of college.

Languages In Which I Can Discuss The Weather But Not Talk About God:
Japanese, Czech, Hindi, ASL, Italian, French, Catalan, Albanian, Macedonian, Serbo-Croatian, German (with Austrian accent), Dutch, Afrikaans.

Languages In Which I Can Talk About God:
English, barely.

Number of Relationships Fucked Up Through A Combination Of Bad Behavior And Entitlement:
3

Number of Relationships Where “Bisexual” Meant “He’s Not Out To His Family Yet”:
1

Number of Relationships In Which The Jury Is Still Out:
1

Number of Cats:
3 (non-custodial)

Number of Posts To Green Room Deliberately Intended To Stir Controversy:
I plead the Fifth.


References available on request.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Allison


_______________________________________________________
whipchick can't believe she let Gary suck her into this again.





.