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Ladies' Carriage, Second Class

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Nov. 29th, 2012 | 01:54 am



My surreptitious picture cannot capture
the pole-dancer grace with which you swung
lightly from platform to moving train.
The way you leaned into the wind
proud as any figurehead
your elbow crooked around the slim support
one hand casually grasping the pallu of your saree
the part in your hair from ear to ear
red-powdered--you belong to someone,
to Mumbai,
and they belong to you.



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Comments {11}

drwex

Nice

from: drwex
date: Nov. 29th, 2012 02:54 pm (UTC)
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I'm not much of a poetry critic - I'm just the "like it" or "don't like it" type. Like it.

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unmowngrass

Re: Nice

from: unmowngrass
date: Nov. 29th, 2012 08:32 pm (UTC)
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Ditto :)

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whipchick

Re: Nice

from: whipchick
date: Nov. 30th, 2012 11:53 am (UTC)
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Thanks :)

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whipchick

Re: Nice

from: whipchick
date: Nov. 30th, 2012 11:53 am (UTC)
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Thanks :)

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The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

(no subject)

from: halfshellvenus
date: Nov. 29th, 2012 06:05 pm (UTC)
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I loved all of this except for "pole-dancer grace," because that has so many negative connotations for me. "Grace" is not the word that comes to mind when I think of that, and that's such a loaded context.

This, though,
red-powdered--you belong to someone,
to Mumbai,
and they belong to you.


Our local paper just ran an article on Indian marriage ceremonies, so I know the significance of the red-powdered hair. But the abstraction of the person belonging as strongly to Mumbai itself (that place and that moment) as much as to a husband worked both as poetry and as a lovely meta-statement.

Nice to seeing you writing poetry again!

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Nov. 30th, 2012 11:54 am (UTC)
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Thanks! And yeah, that makes sense - I battled with whether or not to include it, and I was swayed in the end by the number of athletic pole-dancers I know :)

I still don't think I've captured what it was like, but maybe a little bit :)

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Ellakite

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from: ellakite
date: Nov. 30th, 2012 01:32 am (UTC)
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This leaves me desperately wishing I could see the photo.

Uhhh... can I see the photo?

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Nov. 30th, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
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Added as per request! Glad you're interested, thanks :)

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Andrea Blythe

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from: blythe025
date: Nov. 30th, 2012 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Lovely poem. I love reading your posts on India. :)

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Blogwati Gee

(no subject)

from: Blogwati Gee
date: Dec. 13th, 2012 12:18 pm (UTC)
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The last three lines sum up so beautifully........... the truth for so many.

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whipchick

(no subject)

from: whipchick
date: Dec. 13th, 2012 02:17 pm (UTC)
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Thank you :) And so nice to meet you today!

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